It Hurts

December 5, 2009 at 3:39 pm (Uncategorized)

Divorce.  That is a word that never entered my brain when I took my vows 6+ years ago.  I truely believed that I was marrying the man I would spend the rest of my life with.  But like any ailment left untreated, marrital flaws can take over and destroy what seems like the perfect marriage.

Last night my husband and I went to a therapy session.  I had hoped it might open a door for reconcilation.  He has made up his mind though that this is over.  There can be no reconcilation.  I can’t seem to wrap my mind around this. 

When the issues we were having first came out he vowed that we were going to get through this.  He loved me no matter what.  He could find forgiveness.  Three months after things came to light I was still the most amazing woman in the world to him.  Three months ago when we celebrated our anniversary I was still his whole world. 

I can’t seem to figure out when he fell out of love with me.  He says this has been an on going struggle for him.  He says that he has felt this way for months now and was afraid to say anything.  I’ve tried to seek couseling in the past but he would have none of it.  He assured me that we could get through this on our own.  He never even mentioned that he was having issues. 

Now he has moved on and left me behind.  I can’t fathom where this all came from in such a short time.  How in just a couple of months I went from being his whole world to being on my way out the door. 

No. Divorce was not something I ever thought I would see in this marriage, and yet here I sit facing such a cold end to something that brought me happiness.

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